goin down for reals
by Joy Goldenpine
Summary: Kuroko and Kagami accidentally get "high" and make complete fools of themselves. Pure and total crack because why not.


**What am I doing with my life**

* * *

"Hey, Tatsuya, you got the shit?"

The one-eyed shooter nodded and, looking around for any suspicious on-lookers, gave his brother a crumpled paper bag. For whatever reason Kagami had brought Kuroko with him. Himuro didn't think his brother's shadow, or whatever he called himself, could fully appreciate the affects of the contents of the paper bag.

"Oi, Taiga, where's my payment?" Himuro demanded, holding his hand out impatiently. Kagami sighed and waved him off.

"I swear, I'll get it to you later!" he said, starting to walk away from Himuro taking Kuroko with him. "We need to get to a match, if we're late Coach will get suspicious! I swear, I'll have it for you later, okay?!"

Himuro sighed and let the redhead and the bluenette stalk off, wondering now if Kagami could fully appreciate what was in that bag. Did he know how much trouble he had gone through to get that bag to Kagami in the first place? He shook his head and walked away, managing not to look shady even with one eye mysteriously covered with hair.

"Kagami-kun, what's in that bag?" Kuroko asked, casting doubtful stares at the bag in Kagami's hand. The redhead whipped his head around once to make sure no one was in their proximity then tore the bag open. He shoved the first thing his hand grabbed into Kuroko's hands and as the shadow realized what it was his eyes widened. "This is-!"

"Tatsuya got me this a while back," Kagami explained, rolling the bag closed after taking one out for himself. "Damn is this dangerous, but damn is it good."

"It looks dangerous," Kuroko muttered, frowning as the little voice in his head screamed at him not to do it. "Er..."

Kagami laughed and shoved his into his mouth in one go. Already could he feel the affects of it taking over. Before he could completely slip away, he motioned for Kuroko to do the same. Reluctantly, knowing that he would definitely regret it later, Kuroko ate it.

* * *

"Where the hell are those two?" Riko nearly shrieked in frustration, feeling her patience with the two kouhais quickly disintegrating. She had already gotten the entire team sitting down to watch the match between Shuutoku and Rakuzan, a fierce rematch from the crushing defeat Shuutoku had experienced a year before. The crowd was huge but all around the stadium it was easy to see the different teams of the Generation of Miracles. On the court, the two teams were running warm-ups, glaring friendly daggers at each other.

"I'm sure they're coming, Riko," Hyuuga said, trying to calm the coach down. She huffed and crossed her arms angrily, and returned to watching the two teams. A few seats rows away, Himuro of Yosen High had arrived and was taking his seat.

Down on the court, Midorima was calmly shooting his threes and Akashi was doing his layups, casting glances toward each other like tsundere lovers. Takao was laughing his head off about something funny he had heard two week ago and in other words, everything was normal.

Normal for about three seconds longer.

Two extremely discombobulated figures stagger-ran up the hall that led up to the court, unseen by any of the officials cause one of them was successfully applying misdirection overflow to the other. Then they slammed a speaker that had been completely ruffed up on the table where the officials sat, coming up from behind and scaring the shit out of the poor adults. In a moment of pure high genius, the taller one stole a microphone from the table as the shorter one turned the speaker on. Midorima and Akashi were staring at this total wreck, unable to believe along with the rest of the stadium that had noticed what was going down on the court, what was unfolding in front of their eyes.

Then a completely American song started blasting from the speakers, scaring the officials back even further as the tall one screamed into the microphone with unadulterated passion:

"I KNOW WHAT YOU CAME HERE TO SEE."

Poor Riko was dying of embarrassment as she watched Kagami scream into a microphone, dreadfully out of pitch, with his shirt off and Kuroko behind him wildly bobbing his head up and down in time with the crazy beat. Everyone else just stared on in complete shock, unable to comprehend the insanity that was going on.

"IF YOU'RE A FREAK-(Here Kagami pointed toward Midorima with a seductive gleam in his eye which made the shooter recoil instantly)-THEN YOU'RE COMIN' HOME WITH ME. AND I KNOW WHAT YOU CAME HERE TO DO." Kuroko produced a basketball from what seemed to be his butt and threw it at Kagami he caught without missing a beat in the song. "NOW BUST OPEN AND LET ME SEE YOU GET LOOSE."

"IT'S GOIN' DOWN FOR REAL!"

Kuroko snatched the microphone from Kagami's hand, his horrible singing voice and broken english making the entire stadium cringe. Midorima's glasses had dropped to the floor from the unnatural sweat poring down his face. Kagami was crazy, he knew that, but KUROKO? That was it. Midorima had officially lost his shit. Meanwhile Takao, who had pissed himself from laughing so hard, suddenly realized the the value of what was unfolding in front of him and he whipped out his phone (because he's magical like that) and started recording the two high athletes screaming unrestrainedly into the microphone.

"YOUR GIRL JUST KISSED A GIRL?"

"I DO BI CHICKS!"

"SHAKE FOR A SHAKE."

"I'M THROWING THESE EMIRATES IN THE SKY!"

Akashi was completely at a loss, as only Kuroko could ever make him. He always said that Kuroko went past his expectations, but he didn't have any expectations on what Kuroko was doing right now, watching him and Kagami go back in forth on the verse, so akashi.e.x.e had stopped working for the time being. The bluenette completely took over the song which was fine by Kagami who leaned back against the speaker watching Kuroko reverently like he was a rap god.

"SPINNING THIS AS-SALAMU ALAYKUM, PEACE TO M.O.N.E.Y., I LOVE MY BEACHES SOUTH BEACHES, SURFBOARD AND HIGH TIDE!"

At this point, one of the officials had recovered his mind enough to shut of the speaker, the only source of sound other than the two highschooler's unbearable screeches. Kuroko stopped singing abruptly and there was a dead silence. Kuroko's eyes were wide and the pupils tiny as he glared at the official, looking more like a madman every second longer the official had to stare at him.

"I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A SONG, MISTER!" he yelled into the microphone so everyone in the stadium could hear him. Kuroko had reverted to Japanese like he hadn't just sung an English song. "AUGH THAT IS SO RUDE!"

"C'mon, Tetsuya," Kagami said, putting an arm protectively around Kuroko. "Let's go somewhere where our talents are appreciated."

And so the two partners stagger-ran out of the stadium as suddenly as they had come, leaving a rather uncomfortable silence behind them.

* * *

Himuro was silently dying internally in his seat just a few rows away from Seirin who were at the moment considering disowning their two second-year aces. Himuro remembered the first time he had given Kagami those brownies and both of them had almost gotten murdered by Alex. What they had done resulted in Kagami's fear of dogs and Himuro's mole. But this time around, those brownies weren't just his concoction; they had been stolen from Murasakibara's crazy stash of unhealthy and purely sugar snacks. What Kagami and Kuroko did was the result of one extremely insane sugar rush.

 _That's frightening,_ Himuro thought, watching the officials try to get everything back in order; poor Midorima and Akashi seemed to be in permanent crash mode and the officials themselves needed a little more than a coffee break to recover themselves from shock. Himuro pulled out his phone and texted Kagami.

 _Taiga? How are you?_

 _wut the fuck did we just do kuroko is so pissed at me holy crap i'm going to die tatsuya never do that again_

Himuro laughed and shook his head. Taiga and Kuroko were going to suffer drastically because of him. But it was worth it.


End file.
